People who are going through a divorce and have children together often feel justified in taking the positions that they do because they feel they are “doing it for the children.” Whether they feel that the parenting schedule they are proposing is better than the other parent’s proposal or they are trying to keep the house, sometimes despite all financial logic, because it is better for the children.
While the underlying good intent may be there, parents often lose sight of how their dispute can become polarizing to their children. No child wants to feel they are choosing one parent over the other and it is unfair to place them in that position or seek their “input” in your marital dispute. Psychologists say that much of how children are affected by divorce depends on how their parents handle the divorce process.
While arguing over that one extra day or one week vacation in the summer may seem vitally important at the time, it is important not to lose sight of the big picture and how the prolonged disputes are affecting your child’s well-being. It is important to be sensitive to how each child is reacting to and handling this difficult experience. Just because you are divorcing your spouse does not mean that your child has to lose their other parent. Bear in mind that every negative comment against your spouse is a slight to your child’s mother or father. Changing your mindset just a little can help you, and most importantly your children, get through the divorce process a bit easier. Posted by Elizabeth A. Calandrillo, Esq.
