How do I Obtain Parenting Time During the Holidays?

Reviewed by Dominic A. Tomaio, ESQ.

Key Takeaways

Holiday parenting time is set by the parents’ plan; New Jersey has no presumption of a 50/50 split.
Common options include alternating years, splitting the day, assigning fixed holidays, or celebrating on a nearby day.
If a holiday is not in your plan, you can swap with the other parent or seek a post-judgment modification by showing a significant change in circumstances.

The holidays are a time most parents want to spend with their children, but for divorced or separated parents in New Jersey, the season takes planning. Whether you are creating a parenting plan for the first time or trying to adjust one that is not working, knowing your options for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas can make the season far less stressful. In New Jersey, holiday parenting time is not determined by a statutory rule, but rather by the parents’ parenting plan. As such, there is no legal presumption that holidays are split equally. Common approaches include alternating dates, splitting the day, or assigning fixed holidays to each parent, among other options. As such, if a holiday is not addressed in your parenting plan, you may agree to swap with the other parent, or if that fails, the court may issue a post-judgment modification. If this represents your circumstances, read on to learn more, and contact an experienced New Jersey family law attorney with any questions.

Common Ways to Share Holidays

All families are different, and there is no one-size-fits-all schedule. As such, it’s important to understand the different options to help you and your family determine what is best for your situation:

Alternating years: One parent may have the child for a holiday in the given year, so the parents may choose to swap the holiday the next year. This is often one of the most low-conflict options, as the schedule is set significantly in advance.
Splitting the day: If both parents live close enough to one another, they may split the day. As such, the child may spend the morning with one parent, and the afternoon with the other.
Fixed holidays: Parents may be assigned holidays, which often works well when the parents celebrate different days.
Celebrating on a different day: If the child’s other parent has the child on a holiday, you may decide to celebrate the holiday on the day before or after. This allows you to build your own tradition on an adjacent day.

Thanksgiving

One of the most contested holidays is Thanksgiving, as it is a single day surrounded by one year. As such, families often alternate year to year, or pair with a school break so the child can get meaningful time with each parent during that week.

Christmas and December Holidays

Many families find that the December holidays are flexible due to the number of different days. For example, one parent may have the child on Christmas Eve, while the other gets the child on Christmas. They may alternate this arrangement from year to year, so each parent can spend both days with the child over the course of years. This arrangement also works for Hanukkah and other holidays observed over the span of many days.

Other Dates Worth Putting in Your Plan

It’s important to understand that there are a number of other important dates you may want to consider addressing in your parenting plan, as this can help avoid conflict at a later date:

The children’s birthdays and each parent’s birthday
School breaks and long weekends
Religious or community observances important to your family
Annual trips or vacations, including any out-of-state or international travel

When considering these matters, it’s important to weigh the age of your children, their schedules, the work obligations of both parents, where each parent lives in relation to one another, and any additional needs of the child or the parents. There are no statutory, rigid rules, as the plan should best suit your family.

Is Holiday Parenting Time Split 50/50 in New Jersey?

In New Jersey, parenting time is not necessarily split 50/50. There is no presumption that parenting time, including holidays, is divided equally. The courts encourage children to have a meaningful relationship with both parents, though custody is determined by the best interests of the child, not an automatic 50/50 formula. Holiday schedules can end up roughly equal, but that ultimately depends on what works best for the family, not by what is required by law.

What If a Holiday Is Not in My Parenting Plan?

If you wish to spend a holiday with your child that is not in your parenting time agreement, a good place to begin is by discussing the idea with your child’s other parent. See if they are willing to exchange parenting time for the holiday you want. If this does not work, it is possible to have your parenting time agreement modified. To begin this process, petition the court for a post-judgment modification. Under the standard set in Lepis v. Lepis, the parent asking for the change must show a significant change in circumstances that warrants modifying the existing order.

In the event the other parent refuses to honor a holiday schedule that was previously agreed to, you would need to connect with the court to request enforcement. An attorney can assist you in enforcing the existing order.

What Else is Included in a Parenting Time Plan?

There are a variety of terms that are included within a parenting plan to ensure that it is enforceable. This can include the following:

A designation of physical and legal custody
A description of the parenting arrangement
A description of any changes that may occur in the arrangement as well as methods to modify the plan
A statement delegating any parental responsibilities and rights
Transportation concerns to bring the child to and from each parent
Any concerns regarding birthdays and holidays
Provisions regarding traveling out of the state or country
A description of access to and sharing school and medical records