As individuals, partners, employees, and parents, we often put pressure on ourselves to perform. We strive to succeed and “do things well.” When beginning the process of divorce, the decision itself may seem like a failure. It might feel like a negative reflection on your ability to maintain a relationship. We are taught not to be quitters and to keep pushing until we make the grade. Any decision to the contrary can feel like it speaks negatively to our strength of character.
In relationships, however, this mindset simply does not apply. Life is ever-evolving. Our ability to adapt to changing circumstances—as a unit or as an individual—is essential to our growth. As a result, divorce can represent a change of course. It can be an expansion of possibilities and an opportunity to fully embrace our potential. After making this choice, the question becomes: how can I make the most of this experience? You can, in fact, “do divorce well.”
Tips for Your Most Successful Divorce
Implementing the following strategies can help you navigate this transition. These tips allow you to move forward with peace and prepare to prosper.
1. Approach Disagreements as Opportunities
With so many decisions to make, disagreements between you and your spouse are inevitable. You will face significant questions regarding:
- The division of assets and the marital home.
- How to arrive at an amicable child custody arrangement.
- Whether spousal support is applicable.
- The specific amount and duration of alimony.
The questions to be answered are seemingly endless. Understanding that this is a normal part of the process can help you “stay in the game.” Every divorcing couple faces these challenges. Just because an immediate solution does not appear does not mean one isn’t available. See these disagreements as opportunities for creativity to avoid becoming discouraged. By committing to working with your attorney and your spouse, you can arrive at a mutually agreeable resolution.
2. With Your Attorney, Be an Open Book
You may feel exposed during the divorce process. Your personal life becomes an open discussion among attorneys and strangers. It is natural to try to protect your privacy. However, you must show your attorney all of your cards. Similar to a therapist, your legal counsel can only help you to the extent that they have all of the information.
Hiding regrets or shared history from your attorney makes you vulnerable to unanticipated affronts from the other side. Assume your spouse has informed their attorney of everything. By preparing your attorney in advance, they can proactively address potential issues. This prevents negative reflections during negotiations or court proceedings.
3. Document, Document, Document!
Concessions and agreements made during discussions will only serve you if they are in written form. Verbal agreements simply will not stand up in court. Consider these steps for documentation:
- If your spouse agrees you can keep a specific heirloom, get it in writing immediately.
- Document any decisions regarding rental properties or items of value.
- Keep a record of all side-agreements made outside of formal negotiations.
Divorce is a stressful process where emotions run high. What was agreed upon in one conversation can be taken off the table in the next. Protect your interests by ensuring every agreement is recorded.
4. Co-Parenting is Best for Everyone
Children are the most important parts of our lives. Disagreements over visitation and parenting approaches can become highly contentious. Your initial response may be to go to battle, but consider the long-term results.
Most arrangements require joint or shared custody. These require you and your spouse to maintain engagement until your children reach adulthood. Civility and cooperation provide several benefits:
- Reduced Future Drama: Avoids ongoing conflicts that make life more difficult for everyone.
- Emotional Well-being: Children are perceptive; reducing discord protects their development.
- Stability: Mutual respect creates a stable environment for your children for years to come.
If you are considering divorce or have recently made the decision, contact the highly experienced New Jersey divorce attorneys at Townsend, Tomaio, Newmark & Clancy for a cost-free consultation. Our Morris County offices can be reached anytime at 973-840-8970.
