Kickoff Post-Divorce Communications With A New Style
Change Communications Styles Post Divorce
Morris County Family Law Attorneys Serving Morristown, Chester, Chatham, Mendham, Harding, Parsippany and Morris Township.
During and after a divorce you may wish to have as little (or nothing!) to do with your ex. There can be considerable resentment and sadness, or maybe you’re just exhausted from the emotional stress. Whatever your feelings are right now, the truth remains that ‘no contact’ or ‘no relationship’ with your ex is neither a realistic nor functional way forward, even for childless couples.
In this article we will look two areas of communication that tend to be very sensitive post- divorce: Business and Kids and co-parenting. Hopefully, this article will spark incentive for your positive reaction and commitment to more effective communication.
Nearly all divorcees have something in common…
Although not all divorcees nor all divorces, are the same; there is an attribute shared by all. One way or another, each person must get on with his/her life. We hope that you will be able to move forward from marriage to divorce in a positive way.
A first step will be to commit to developing a new relationship with each other because, like it or not, there will be occasional (or frequent) times that you truly must interact. While you will no longer be living together, effective, peaceful and considerate communication remains critical.
The strength and health of your post-divorce relationship is measured and controlled by your ability to communicate and collaborate. Good communication is the magic of a successful relationship. This is especially applicable in turbulent relationships that are struggling to reach new high ground.
Be Prepared to Take the High Road : Parsipanny Divorce Lawyers
With the experience of guiding hundreds of divorce cases, we can honestly tell you this: We’ve seen your situation before. We can help by assisting you to identify topics that trigger reactions and by recommending conflict reducing techniques or even local mediation services. Contact the offices of Townsend, Tomaio & Newmark online or at 973-828-0829 to schedule a free initial consultation.
A changed relationship means that you can’t do things the same way as you used to and you can’t take things for granted or make assumptions. You need to ask, clarify and confirm –nicely! No more just blurting out what you feel without considering possible consequences. You will need to control your emotions and the lingering temptation to lash out or do things just to “get back at” your ex. Finally, you will certainly need to intentionally be more courteous and considerate than you possibly were as a couple. With sincere apologies for this reminder, but… It’s time to grow up (again).
Core to changing a relationship is applying a new style, with control, in the way you communicate. Different styles are necessary on different matters. Endeavor to make your new style second nature. Try to communicate as business associates when it comes to business type issues (a change in the visitation schedule, or a financial or real estate decision). On the other hand, when it comes to co-parenting the challenges may require a more compassionate approach by both of you. You’ll need to be able refine these skills because you’ll need to rely on them for the long-term.
Communicating About Your Morris County Business Post Divorce
It’s likely that there will be shared decision areas between spouses such as financial matters, tax returns, property divisions, etc. that can take time, even years, to work out and conclude. Always focus on the goal, which (let me remind you) is to reach a decision. Distance yourself from the emotional side of issues.
Don’t concentrate on what you deserve or what’s fair or unfair. It doesn’t help you achieve the goal and it’s almost sure that your ex will see things oppositely from the way you do. It’s a no win approach. Decide ahead of time just how much grief you are willing to cause yourself (or your kids) on any particular issue and go from there. Adjusting your communication style can have a tremendous impact as you redesign your relationship.
Communicate in Writing Post Randolph Divorce
One way to start is by communicating in writing. Short, bulleted, to-the-point and polite emails are effective if you write them like a business correspondence. Refrain from pointing out faults, assigning blame or otherwise provoking or amplifying a conflict with your ex.
Good communication practices are covered in a separate article, but it is worth raising a point of caution now. A savvy boss I had once used to say, “E-mails are the worst form of communication, but most of the time they’re the best we have.” Because e-mails lack the benefit of intonation, facial expressions, gestures and eye contact; they are easily misinterpreted, especially when you’re expecting the worst of someone. Our interpretations of texts and e-mails depends on the frame of mind and attitude in the moment we read them. Humor and sarcasm are particularly fast tracks to trouble, better not.
Kids and Coparenting Should Always Come First : Suggestion from Morris NJ Attorneys
If you intend to co-parent to raise your children together and keep a pleasantly cooperative child custody arrangement, both of you absolutely must communicate without animosity. With rare exceptions, nearly all divorcing couples agree that their children need to continue to have stable relationships with both of their parents in spite of their parents living in separate homes. Even if you just don’t like each other, or disagree on many issues, you will still have to work together as a team as far as your children are concerned.
Fortunately, the secret here is straightforward and, for most couples, pretty easy. Effective communication after divorce begins with making a commitment to raise your kids together and to create the best possible environment for them to thrive. In challenging (or exasperating) situations, reminding yourself of this non-negotiable commitment can help you and your co-parent to stay on track towards maintaining your parenting partnership. By keeping ‘what’s best for the kids’ as your constant focal point, it’s easier to come to terms.
Achieving effective communication outcomes, either on business or kids’ issues – and between both the co-parents and between the parents and children–, is a powerful tool. It will keep your focus on the horizon of a happy life ahead while ensuring your children a joyous and healthy childhood with both of their parents involved.
Attorneys at Townsend, Tomaio & Newmark are successful in family law matters and moving clients to positive new beginnings.
Divorce can cause a great deal of uncertainty. With a skilled divorce attorney on your side, you can make informed, confident decisions that best serve your interests. Contact the Morris County law offices of Townsend, Tomaio & Newmark today to understand your available options. One of our New Jersey divorce attorneys will answer your questions and provide you with a cost-free initial consultation. Let us help you get things on track.